i think there's a weird thing where your fear of being disliked which makes you afraid to be vulnerable makes you not as engaged with people which to them makes it come off that you aren't interested in them at all so the only people who actively engage with you are gooners like VGR who want to use you and don't care if you don't like them
you can have the bravado which is fun but if there then isn't any genuine openness it makes you come off really bad and self centered, like you are just using people
doing bad things is okay so long as you learn from them and improve, no one hates people for those things so long as the issues are actually dealt with
you are fun to observe but like I said the bravado with 0 genuine openness and engagement does make you kind of unlikable, but not because of something inherent in you just because you dont really engage with people. not because you did bad things or are broken but you just make bad choices or something
I said somewhere before even you posting here I get the feeling you actually hate us and people like us but you are just so desperate for attention you'd even get it from people you despise. no one likes to be used transactionally... are there not people you actually just like and want to engage with? for no other reason than you just like them not because you want their attention
this, i think online stuff is just a source of positive attention that again just avoids that more open vulnerable engagement with actual people, it's just an escape that lets your bad habits proliferate
thats my reading at least
no longer human is kind of about this