Dear Bitty,
I want to apologize for my behavior and the things I've said.
Instead of trying to give excuses and reasons for why I got upset, I think we both know simply put I am an emotionally immature manchild who gets jealous.
It was wrong of me to try and buy attention, replies, conversations, affection, titties and anything else I was hoping to get, and for being upset and jealous when I didnt get it.
I am sorry for lashing out at you over it.
I'm sorry for getting angry about who you're talking to and for holding you accountable for things they say and do to me which is not your fault.
I gave money because I wanted you to know I care, I wanted you to care about me. I wanted to see sexy pictures of you, and I wanted to have conversations and get to know you better.
This was my intention, I'm not going to try and lie about it. I think its pretty transparent anyway.
I am a lonely incel. maybe im a creep for wanting and hoping for these things. I'm sorry.
When I said I didn't trust you I was really lending my heart out and asking for some reassurance. I want to trust you, I want to believe you are sincere but a part of me doesn't and for that I'm most sorry of all.
It's very hard for me with your history, the things you've said online. This community you are from.. Maybe you've changed?
The girl in the video saying shes an edgelord and involved with mass shooters. That's the girl I was afraid of and feeling like I couldn't trust. I'm sorry to hold you to that but it will always eat at me because I really dont know much about you. I try really hard to get to know you, it was worth thousands of dollars to me.
It was worth humiliating myself everyday on here.
I want to believe you are a real person and I'm not just a joke to you. But when I am emotionally vulnerable and reach my hand out you aren't there for me. Sometimes I even make you mad at me for it. I know its not your burden to be my emotional tampon.
(continued..)