Couldn't help but notice my coworker was looking at trannies on grinder

Sorry I forgot you hate wom*n
Your bf is supposed to fix that I think
blog on Anon Babble as a journal

feels like society's cruel chains keep us from being who we really want to be, in constant fear of the judgment of our peers and loved ones. feels like it keeps people in a mundanely vicious cycle, an acceptable illusion of fulfillment, which ultimately drains the life out of you, and sinks you deeper into submission. feels like the world is deeply traumatized and doesn't know who they are, or what they want. feels like that's all something that needs to be told to them, through society.

got some soju... been drinking a lot lately. it's bad for my heart, but it feels like the only thing keeping me sane. kanpai~

What do you want to be that society won't allow? All I want is a peaceful and comfy life.

been drinking a lot lately. it's bad for my heart, but it feels like the only thing keeping me sane

I used to take oxycodone and wash it down with shots of Bacardi. Hope you're not going overboard with it.

it's just a small 375 ml bottlel... what were you coping from, if you don't mind me asking? i used to do all sorts of silly research chems, but i completely stopped after one experience left me puking for three days straight, no sleep. the time went by so quickly, and it felt so weird to witness the circadian rhythm of society in perpetual motion.

i just think societal expectations are keeping a lot of people trapped in lives they don't want to live, but they're too afraid to break free. they've invested too much into the persona they present, that one which was already decided for them. it feels like a choice between love and fear, which then blends into you as a person. will you courageously choose out of love, or cowardly choose out of fear? i've chosen a lot of times out of fear, or not chosen at all and had my choices decided for me. it feels like i sometimes even have to trick myself into choosing out of love because the fear, insecurity, and unworthiness i feel constantly clouds my own judgment. idk this human experience stuff is all so silly. no need to take my rambles seriously, Sako. i seriously should start journaling...

I wasn’t really coping with anything. It was more like I was bored, and it was just a fun way to pass the time. What did you take that made you vomit for three days? Sounds like you were dying. Worst I've done was leave my body on extremely powerful edibles.

Some people probably can’t break free, for one reason or another. What do you mean by a choice between love and fear? What’s a choice based on love?

no need to take my rambles seriously, Sako.

Booze are like a truth serum for some people

I wasn’t really coping with anything. It was more like I was bored, and it was just a fun way to pass the time

yeah, that's fair. this lifestyle does get boring sometimes.

i took fluorophenibut. it's like regular phenibut, but hits harder. i didn't have a scale to measure it out, and didn't care to even try and figure out volumetric dosing. it almost felt like a deeply spiritual experience because i no longer felt consumed by my animal instinct of fear and anxiety. i could just experience everything as it was, and understand why people were acting the way that they were. i saw how much this atmosphere of fear dominated my household, where i ended up apologizing deeply to my sister because i could see how victimized she'd been from it all. the layers of protection kept her insulated from truly understanding what i was trying to get out of that interaction, but i felt like i could see her hurting deeply, so i couldn't help myself. i even exposed myself as naked, simply for the fact that it would be more authentic and vulnerable to show myself as the flawed human i was because i desperately wanted to break through to her and help her understand that i wasn't there to hurt her. it's hard to get back to that mindset because it meant to understand fear for what it truly was, and to think about things i normally would try my best to avoid thinking about out of fear and ignorance. after that, i puked every 30 mins to an hour for three days, surrendered all my chems to my sis, and swore off of it all after.

What’s a choice based on love?

i don't really know... i'm trying my best to figure that out for myself.

Booze are like a truth serum for some people

i've not actually touched my bottle yet... have to find my special shot glass. sorry for the wall of text, but thanks for indulging my silly rambling and keeping me company, Sako.

even exposed myself as naked, simply for the fact that it would be more authentic and vulnerable to show myself as the flawed human i was because i desperately wanted to break through to her and help her understand that i wasn't there to hurt her.

Pulling your dick out probably isn't the best way to make your sister feel safe.

it's hard to get back to that mindset because it meant to understand fear for what it truly was, and to think about things i normally would try my best to avoid thinking about out of fear and ignorance. after that, i puked every 30 mins to an hour for three days, surrendered all my chems to my sis, and swore off of it all after.

Its kind of weird how everyone who does large dosages of drugs has some kind of spiritual awakening and it varies wildly in meaning. Good job getting off of them though.

i don't really know... i'm trying my best to figure that out for myself.

So its not the opposite of something based off of fear?

have to find my special shot glass

Just drink out of the bottle like a real moid

thanks for indulging my silly rambling and keeping me company, Sako.

Don't mention it

Pulling your dick out probably isn't the best way to make your sister feel safe.

true, but i wasn't really intending it, moreso than she was trying to help me and i just so happened to be naked, but couldn't be assed to put on clothes, even out of this idea of shame because nothing really bothered me but the real idea of pain everyone around me was suffering from, but too afraid to admit.

So its not the opposite of something based off of fear?

i don't really know. i'm not the one to ask. i sometimes like to put my trust in random strangers and believe in the good of humanity. i don't know if that's love. i feel like i can tell when people have sinister intentions. it's always immediately apparent because my feelings are sensitive, but not when my judgment is clouded by the need for validation.

Just drink out of the bottle like a real moid

it's a tradition i can't pass up. my ancestors are behind me.

Is she older or younger than you? Its less bad if shes older.

So you could tell my intentions were sinister all along then?

Its also a way to drink way m ore than you should and end up naked again.

Is she older or younger than you? Its less bad if shes older.

older. we have a rough history, and she's transitioned, so that's not even a thing.

So you could tell my intentions were sinister all along then?

geez, Sako. it's not like i'm actively trying to look for the bad in everyone. i wanna see the good, even if you think you are bad. i just put myself in a vulnerable position because i crave authenticity not only from myself, but from others, so it's important i avoid being preyed upon when i can recognize it. when i notice loved ones being preyed upon, sometimes i have to sit hopelessly as i see them fall victim to whatever schemes have been set up for them because they are lured in so much that it's hard to convince them otherwise.

Its also a way to drink way more than you should and end up naked again.

ok now you're starting to scare me...